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I Have Always Hated “The Flintstones”

July 8, 2007

Not least because it has apparently inspired a whole generation of scientists to develop complex theories about “human nature” which look and work a lot like Betty and Wilma’s kitchen appliances.

Scientists Satoshi Kanazawa and Allan Miller recently perpetrated a strikingly obtuse article in Psychology Today entitled “Ten Politically Incorrect Truths about Human Nature.”  I wish I were making this up, but their opening argument is that Barbie is the apex of human evolution, and that millions of years before the invention of 12 inch plastic fashion dolls with high-heeled feet, Fred Flintstone was already lusting after her.

That’s right.  My genes want me to look like Barbie because Fred Flintstone, back in the dim mists of evolutionary time, liked blonde girls with big boobs.  Why? 

The answer will astonish you–especially if, like me, you didn’t know there was a documented global and eternal preference for Barbie. It’s because little girls have blonde hair which darkens with age, and because big boobs sag over time, so Fred can tell right away if the girl he might want to mate with is old or not. 

Questions for the scientists:  were any non-white people involved at all in evolution?  Ever?

Do early figural artifacts resemble Barbie?  (Hint:  Venus of Willendorf)

Were you really serious in proposing that blonde hair evolved so that men of the frozen North didn’t have to look under girls’ winter clothes to see if their boobs were saggy yet?

I won’t go on to the other nine “discoveries” about human nature, except to raise an eyebrow over #10, Men who sexually harass their female colleagues aren’t sexist–because men are genetically programmed to be jerks to everyone.

Stop laughing, you in the back.  These men are scientists.  Are you a scientist?  I didn’t think so. 

Bow, women!  Prostrate yourself before the awesome power of Science, as wielded by Beavis and Butthead.

One Comment leave one →
  1. dragonsinger permalink
    July 9, 2007 1:59 am

    now that i’ve picked my jaw up from the floor i still can’t think of anything coherent to say – that article is a load of crock (sorry – is crock scientific enough or do i need to find a better word …)

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